I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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