Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
