i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My ass is underappreciated
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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