there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
