Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
