JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
