this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
