you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
