guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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