theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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