i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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