I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
