Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
