none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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