hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
