Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
