A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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