Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
