He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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