OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
