Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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