K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
