How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
