then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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