Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
