Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
