I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
