i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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