Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
