actually, I'm a sock model
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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