Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You should frame my arrest warrant.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
