my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
