I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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