A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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