Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
