i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
