Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
