I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
