Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
