Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
