the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
