He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
