He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
