You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
