Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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