i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
