if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
