Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
