I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
last night I used snow as a chaser
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