he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
