Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
