we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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