Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
