You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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