If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
