Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
